Sebastián and I decided that we’re going to blog about whatever we feel like and we’re going to talk about the issues that matter to us, both venture-related and non-venture related. This week, I want to talk about mental health.
We’ve been working on some really dope partnerships here at Fuerza and I’ve also been extremely busy at work and with business school. Last week was particularly rough and I broke down multiple times.
I’m an agoraphobic. Fortunately last year my agoraphobia subsided to the point where I no longer think about anxiety and the world ending on a daily basis, but I know that those feelings will come rushing back in an instant.
I became an agoraphobic about 3 and a half years ago. My agoraphobia was triggered by an accident that I had in London, but it was not the root cause. The root cause was my inability to deal with my emotions or feelings. Up until that point I had spent my entire life internalizing a ton of pain and a ton of trauma. I never even considered dealing with it, let alone talking about it.
I also have a habit of pushing myself to the brink of my limits in a constant pursuit of bettering myself. Those two things are a recipe for disaster and my brain decided that it was going to slow my ass down because my conscious self wasn’t willing to.
Before I go into more details, I want to emphasize that my agoraphobia is mild, many others have a much more paralyzing experience.
For 2 and a half years I was afraid to go outside, visit places, fly in airplanes, use public transportation and live any type of “normal” life. I would wake up in the middle of the night soaking in sweat, suffered multiple panic attacks throughout the day, felt sick to my stomach and often felt like I couldn’t breath. But, as any BIPOC will tell you, we don’t shirk our obligations, I still went to class, I still went to work and I still went to all of my extracurricular activities. I gave a speech in front of 400 people while feeling like I was going to die. It was awful.
I knew that I could not function that way for long, so I started going to therapy, started meditating, eating healthier, doing yoga and prioritized my sleep. I also challenged myself and used a ton of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to expose myself to the things I was afraid of.
Luckily, one of my best friends, Cameron accompanied me on our bar trip to Southeast Asia. Without him, the trip would’ve been awful and I would not have been able to enjoy it. That trip was the best trip I’ve ever taken in my life because Cameron was patient with me and helped me get through the tough moments.
Last January, I went to Japan for 3 weeks determined to end my fear of public transportation. It turns out that Japan is the perfect place to go when conquering that type of fear because the country runs on public transportation. Luckily my sister, Mariah, was there to help me cope and battle through my fears.
Remembering those moments has made me realize that I can’t stop meditating or practicing yoga just because I’m feeling better. My mental health has to be prioritized. I’ve started meditating again and plan to get back in therapy soon because I don’t want to lose myself.
I chose to write about this because mental health is a topic that is often taboo in BIPOC households. It shouldn’t be, we should talk about these things. I’m happy to have one on one conversations about these issues.
I want to end this post with a shoutout to my sister Deanna Fernandez, whose been crushing it with her own therapy practice and is just an awesome human being. Please reach out to her if you want to talk about your own mental health needs.
I also want to recognize one organization at the forefront of these issues, Bring Change to Mind, where my boy Kyle Canchola is a board member. I’ve been excited watching all of the amazing things that they’re doing.
Until Next Time,
Isaiah
